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I Have Almost No Ability to Read

“Heart of Darkness” is f’n great. I need to read it for class now, but I’d been meaning to read it for years. I actually bought a copy years ago for something specific, and never got to it. Maybe that time on Amtrak from Chicago to New Orleans? That’s, like, 22 hours, so I got some books, maybe Conrad, but ended up chatting with weird people the whole way. What was that fugitive’s name…..?

Right. “Heart of Darkness.” It’s a great story beautifully told, and I’m finding that, like most other work I do, I have no ability to focus on it — to actually read the damn thing that I’m enjoying. I’ve just gotten through three pages in the past hour and half. I read a paragraph, then ten minutes later I catch myself looking out the window, or intensely focused on some song, or over analyzing something recently said to me. “What do you want?” Is there any question more purposfully ambigious? But Jesus, I could have answered her question in so many better ways. I don’t know what she intended there, but I definately didn’t handle it well….

Fucking “Heart of Darkness”! So I’m Reading The Book, Trying To Stay Focused. The only trick I have that works-ish is reading out loud, but that get’s tiresome. Earlier this year I had to read “Jane Eyre,” which I also really liked, but couldn’t get through. I ended up reading most of those 400 pages out loud to myself, which was slow and hurt my voice. I’ll end up doing that with “Heart of Darkness,” but fortunately it’s much shorter, and I get this automatic Orson Welles voice when I read it. This book I’m really hamming up, pretending I’m performing for a 1930’s radio drama, and not that this is the only way I’ll get through my homework.

OK, I have to find that Orson Welles/Frozen Peas thing…..




I just watched three youtube videos…. One was a “Pinky and the Brain” fan montage. Shit.

I’m going to go read aloud. I’ve got to get this fucking thing done. Or as much as I need so I can bullshit my way through my next English class, for which I’m on pretty good footing. What I don’t know I’ll just try to draw from film theory classes watching “Apocalypse Now.”

You know, I can’t think of the last Coppola movie I’ve seen. I wonder what kind of stuff he’s working on these days. I bet Wikipedia knows. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Writing blog posts does not help me get shit done.

Spreading Santorum

I cannot tell you how overjoyed I was, three years ago, the first time I heard that we, as a society, had finally settled on a word to describe the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex. And that word we picked was “santorum.”

It was truly wonderful when I first heard it. I thought “Case Closed. We can now move on.” But it seems there is a another frighteningly popular definition for santorum. I just want to remind everyone that should be your official resource for santorum related definitions.